The Contract

17_photo-0I didn’t agree to such a contract, yet I still choose to abide by it. With my first breath, I was picked to live, but not to last. No one knows when these living documents will eventually waste away to extinction. I cling to the night because I am so unsure of the morning, but even the days die. Receiving such an invitation is a relief for the sunny hours and then night stalks again asking the same question. We as humans conquered much adversity, yet we can’t seem to shake the burden of death, the living predator. Even with so much to lose, life can easily become a mundane gift that collects dust.

I hate that it is the one thing I will never be able to write about, a complex tease that I am both familiar with but a stranger to. I imagine it is like flying in a plane through a cloud. Feeling stagnant yet speeding through the air, surrounded by a peaceful blinding white light. Death is unfairly just. We strive to out buy it, but we can’t live without it.

Life Can Suck, but I am More Than a Conqueror

flying-art-birds-child-favim-com-572488I managed to make yet another mess of my life. My youth is ignorant, and rebels from wisdom. I am well aware of right, and wrong, but in my youth I am an egoist. I sinned against my faith, but too far gone to care. When the fun fades, there I am, alone, empty. I was full when I left, but the distractions of life ate away at me. Constant compromise is the consequence for this broken me.Β I want to return to the place of great joy, but I feel undeserving to ask for such a request. Each day without Him, I barely exist. I try to return to the place I once was, but I see pitch black. I am neither claimed by heaven or hell. I must choose a side my lukewarm heart is indecisive.Β I am alone in my room, and the exposure scares me. With the help of conviction and humility my confessions are free. My repentance accepted, and unexpected tears rain down my face. Condemnation I feel no longer, but familiar characteristics of who I once was. My identity now claims me, and my past is a stranger. I am home again, and forever I will remain.